Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......
Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Apathyologism: You have 2 cows. You do not care.
Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows...
Atheism: You have 2 cows. There is no God.
A West-Country Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
A Brazilian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
PETA: You have two cows. You kill them both. You then use naked women to convince other people that killing cows is wrong.
Moffat: You have two cows. Both of them are your daughters time traveling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Da Vinci making you the rightful Queen of England.
Hussie: You have 2 cows. You ask for another one. Instead of getting just 1 cow, you get 2,485,506 cows.
Romney: You have 2 cows. You are not the president of the united states.
Once-ler: You have 1 cow. Everyone decides to make 5 different versions of that cow.
Old Spice: You have 2 cows. The cows are now diamonds. I'm on a horse.
An Irish Corporation: You have a million cows because they're everywhere
Cuil Theory: You have two cows. I give you a hamburger.
Oprah Winfrey: You get a cow! And you get a cow! Everybody gets a cow!
Mushu: Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow.
arbitrarye: I never liked the idea of having a diary. Because if I have an idea or a feeling important enough to write down, I’d probably rather share it with someone, instead of putting it in a notebook no one will see. But this blog sometimes feels like a diary whenever I choose to write something instead of reblogging a cool picture I’ve seen. And I don’t like that. do what you want, but i...
enjolrgasm: enjolrgasm: omG I’M WATCHING A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT HOW DOLPHINS ARE SMARTER THAN HUMANS AND THAT THEY’RE ACTUALLY COMMUNICATING WITH US BUT WE’RE TOO STUPID TO KNOW AND THE OPENING IS A MUSICAL BY DOLPHINS SINGING SO LONG AND THANKS FOR ALL THE FISH WHAT THE FUCK???c ?? ????!??cc? I’ve just been informed that this is actually Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
tardisity: The oldest person alive was born on April 19, 1897, meaning that April 18th, 1897 was approximately the last time the Earth was inhabited by an entirely different set of people and if you don’t think that’s the realest shit ever then you can get right on outta town.
eridanssecondhalf: “youre a good drawer”
omako: do he got a booty? he dooooooon’t
unclefather: jesuschristvevo: would you like some cream cheese on your beagle keep your cream cheese away from my dog
punkrockmermaid: “I raped that test in math cla–” No. “I raped that game earli–” Stop. “The other team totally raped us tod–” Shut the fuck up. Do you see what you’re doing? YOU ARE MAKING RAPE SOUND LIKE A POSITIVE ACTION. YOU ARE EQUATING SEXUAL VIOLENCE WITH ACHIEVEMENTS. STOP.
teashoesandhair: utterlydeceptivetwaddlespeak: tommarvolohiddles: mandatoryupgrades: Anyone who thinks Shakespeare is boring apparently missed the greatest stage direction ever written: I want that to be the final line of my biography. let’s not forget about this gem from macbeth and, of course, from henry v ah, the leeks. Guys are we forgetting Titus Andronicus or
blein: sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS...
*Mom hands me phone to answer*
Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
Me: I have no mother.
Her: Well can I speak to your father?
Me: Yeah, which one?
Her: Which one is home?
Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
Her: So who's Antonio?
Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
Her: So Carlos was cheating?
Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
Me: I never said that.
Her: Yes, yes you did!
Me: No I didn't.
Her: Y-yes! You did!
Me: Did what?
Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.